He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
