you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
