can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
