Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
