No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm getting married
To pizza
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
