6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
