I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
