never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
