3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
