Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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