yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
