I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize
