the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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