Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
