I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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