So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
