Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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