Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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