My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
