Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
