dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
