He disabled his match.com account in front of me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
