ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
