There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
