You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Two words: blizzard sex
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
