How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
