U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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