Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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