remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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