im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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