I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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