So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
