conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
All I want is dick and wine.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
