it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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