i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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