um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
