1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
