Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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