I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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