i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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