You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
