Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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