Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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