cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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