Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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