After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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