here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
