Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
