Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
