I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
