the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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