i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
