I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
