went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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