If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Randomize
