I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
